Beyond the Glass Ceiling

Taking Time Off to Have Kids Won't Hurt Your Career

Penelope Trunk has a pretty interesting post on how taking time off to have kids actually won't hurt your career prospects, contrary to popular opinion. Her primary point is that the looming worker shortage is going to make access to skilled employees a bigger issue than anything, but I also think she makes a good case for how changes in how we define career have an impact, too.

I have to say that in the end, my own three years out of the workforce with a few more years of being under-employed actually helped me as the mommy track job I held actually launched me into my consulting career. For that matter, being a mommy contributed as well--there was something about those astronomical childcare bills that made me think working for myself might actually be a better option.

Is It Time to Break Up With Your Boss?

It's been my experience that many women hold on to bad relationships for far longer than they should--and holding on to a bad boss is no exception. Most of us know when to walk out on an abusive boss, but the trickiest ones I've found are the ones that SEEM like they're great, but they aren't. Some of the clues that it may be time for a breakup include:

• Your schedule is no longer your own. The subtle boss makes it sound like that extra assignment that requires you to work on a Saturday is your choice, but you both know that's not the case. Once in awhile may be OK, but if it's happening all the time, that may spell trouble.

• Your boss is always working on helping you "fix your weaknesses," rather than playing to your strengths. One of the best bosses I ever had was someone who knew everyone's strengths and assigned our work accordingly. I was the writer, someone else was the detail-person, and someone else was great with organizing and editing. Rather than trying to get me to be more detail-oriented or sending one of my co-workers to a writing seminar, our manager planned work to build on our strengths, making everyone much happier and getting a lot more work done in the process. If you work for someone who sees you as a bunch of weaknesses to be fixed, then it's time to start thinking about moving on.

• Your boss doesn't support your professional development. Good bosses know that the more you know, the better it is for them, so they not only support your plan to go back for a Master's, they're helping you schedule your work around it. Not-so-great bosses see professional development of any kind as a "waste of time," or they just can't seem to get around to signing the paperwork for that workshop you want to attend. Professional development is critical to your growth as a worker, so any boss who doesn't support that should get the heave-ho.

• Your assignments and projects keep you stagnant. To remain competitive--and to keep from going insane--you have to have opportunities to try on new projects and assignments. Bad bosses want you to stay in your little cube, doing your narrow little job. Good ones recognize that it's important for you to stretch your wings and fly--even if it means that you fly right into another job.

One of the reasons I always encourage women to periodically reassess their career situation is so they can see what's going on in their current jobs. These are some good questions to ask yourself, especially if you're feeling a little antsy at work lately. Maybe it's time to find someone else.

Envisioning Your Future

At our career retreat last month, we did a lot of work with visuals. There's something about working with pictures that unleashes ideas and insights that aren't available to our verbal brains, in part because the "Judge" who tells us everything we say and do is stupid resides in the left/verbal part of our thinking. When we go to the right side of our brains, we are able to bypass many of these negative thoughts that can stop us from getting at what we really think and feel.

This morning I came across a wonderful tool/idea from Christine Kane called a Vision Board. She says:

A vision board (also called a Treasure Map or a Visual Explorer or Creativity Collage) is typically a poster board on which you paste or collage images that you’ve torn out from various magazines. It’s simple.

The idea behind this is that when you surround yourself with images of who you want to become, what you want to have, where you want to live, or where you want to vacation, your life changes to match those images and those desires.

Here she describes how to create one.

This seems to me like a really great way to visualize who you want to become in 2008. There's something about putting out into the world your vision of yourself that can make great things happen for you. Might be a good way to spend your weekend.

Preparing for your New Year

Like many people, this is the time of year when I start thinking about where I've been and where I'm going. Although it's partly because we're in that week between Christmas and the New Year, I think I also get contemplative because of the season. Winter for me is a time of deep reflection and stillness, where I'm trying to "hear" myself better to get a real handle on what it is I want and how I want to get there.

There are a couple of exercises I'm using this year to help me with this process (in addition to my normal journaling). One is from Lisa Gates, who writes about this time of year as "the gloaming":

The gloaming is that magical, exquisite time of day when it's neither day nor night. Dusk. Fairytales tell us that at this time of day the little elemental beings come alive in the forest and whisper and cavort under your feet as you make your way toward home and into the starry night.

Metaphorically, you could say it's you in between worlds. In terms of linear time, you're between Christmas and New Year's, but deeper, more internally, you may looking at your present and into your future, conjuring a leap between your current job and the next. You're letting go of old projects and choosing ones that resonate fully with the vision of yourself in your future. You may be taking a look at what was, and choosing a new is.

She then shares six inquiries for the six days between Christmas and New Year's (not too late to catch up).  I'm finding that they're some excellent questions that deserve days to ponder and get clear about.

I'm also exploring Sarah Susanka's Year End Ritual:

The goal is to set aside some time at the end of each year—I designate about eight to ten hours during the last week of the year--to conduct a review of all the significant things that have happened over the course of the past twelve months and to give voice to your heart’s longings for the coming months and years. I recommend that you create a special journal, or a folder on your computer if you prefer, in which to record your observations. You are going to write down all the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that come to mind as you engage this Year End Ritual, and then you are going to close the journal or folder and not look at it again for twelve months, until its time to engage the ritual again next year.

I intend to write about these things, but I'm also planning to use visual images to gain a different understanding of where I'm at in some of these areas. The more I work with pictures, the more I see how they help me bypass my "rational" brain, something I sorely need when I'm trying to get at some of these deeper issues in my life.

What year-end rituals do you have? How are you preparing for the New Year?

Photo via Anrichie

Want to Increase Your Salary? Say "I'm Sorry"

An interesting tidbit via Christy Tucker--Apparently there's a direct correlation between your income and your willingness to apologize. According to a study published in Forbes:

People earning over $100,000 a year are almost twice as likely to apologize after an argument or mistake as those earning $25,000 or less, the survey found. Respondents were asked to identify themselves as belonging to one of a set of income ranges. They were also asked whether they would apologize in three situations: when they felt they were entirely to blame for a problem; when they thought they were only partly at fault; and when they believed they were blameless.

No one is quite sure why this occurs. Some speculate it's because high earners are more secure in their positions and therefore more comfortable making mistakes. Others think it might be the "It's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission" style that higher salaried people can get away with. Or it just may be that a willingness to say "I'm sorry" is a sign of better people skills, which will tend to earn you a promotion. Regardless, it seems that apologies can get you more money.

I would be curious to know if there are gender differences in this. In my experience, apologies come pretty easily to women and, at times, are perceived as "weakness." I wonder if there's a stronger statistical correlation for men than for women. What do you think?

Photo via Transguyjay

How Are You the Light in the Darkness?

Last night my husband took me to see I Am Legend, the new Will Smith movie. Anytime I get to spend 2 hours in the dark with Will, I'm a happy woman, so right there it would have been time well-spent. But this movie went way beyond my initial expectations, leaping from action flick into something much more profound.

I'm not going to say a lot about the movie (except to tell you to go see it) but one thing from the film has stuck with me--"Be the light in the darkness." Those are the last words in the film, a reference to Bob Marley's cure for racism to inject music and light up the darkness.

On the way home, my husband and I talked about having that as one of our goals for the New Year. We've spent time in the past thinking about how we could improve our financial situation or do something to move our careers forward, but we haven't focused on this really simple thing--measuring our actions by how they bring light to the world.

I like that as a goal. It's a beautiful way for me to measure what I do and how I do it. Am I bringing light to the world or not?  Am I illuminating things or am I making them murkier and uglier?

How do you bring light to the darkness?

Moving from "Good Enough" to "Great"

In yesterday's post I described "good enough" syndrome. This is where we find that  we're settling for many things in our lives that are OK, but not great. We are essentially making compromises in areas of our lives where we should be shooting for the stars.  Today I'm going to share how you can start moving out of "good enough" into "great."

Moving to Great
How do you move from good enough to great? You have to start by looking at the different facets of your life and identifying those things that are OK, but are not the stuff of your dreams. Look at:

• Your career
• Relationships--partners, family, friends
• Spirituality
• Hobbies and Leisure Time (assuming you've made room for those things, as so many women have not)
• Your own personal growth and development (again, assuming that you've made room)
   

Write down those areas where you feel like you're settling. Describe as completely as you can what it is about these areas that makes you feel like they're only "good enough." Then think about how these areas of your life would change if they were great. Describe as completely as you can how they would improve and what you would do differently.

One point I want to make here--You can explore these ideas in writing, but you might also want to use pictures. I'm a big fan of  going through magazines with a particular question in mind (like "What would my ideal career look like?") and pulling out the images that seem to fit in with my ideas about that question. Then I glue them into my career journal as a collage. Often I find that ideas and dreams I never knew I had show up in these collages. They're a great way to bypass my "rational" brain, which always does an AWESOME job of keeping me in "good enough" mode. In fact, that's its purpose!

Once you have a good picture of how things would look if they were great, rather than just good enough, start thinking about a plan to deal with these areas. Some questions to ask yourself:

• What do I need to get rid of altogether because it's really NOT OK to have this in my life? What will I do to get rid of that element?

• Where do I need to make some changes so that I can make room for great? For example, you may not be able to quit your job, but you might be able to start backing off on your responsibilities a little to make room in your life for other things that will lead you to "great," like learning new things or having a chance to develop your creativity.

• What parts of my life that are OK just need to be tweaked to be great? It may be that it's time to take something in your life to the next level. You may be writing poetry, for example, and have a ton of stuff lying around. To move to "great" with it, it now may be the time for you to see if you can get yourself published.

Once you have your plan together, it's of course time to put it into action. It may be daunting to deal with several different elements at once, so you may want to shoot initially for those one or two things that are either causing you the most pain or that will move you the furthest in your road to greatness. Once you've set those things in motion, then you can come back and deal with everything else.

Rinse and Repeat
Something that's always important to remember about "good enough" syndrome is that it seems to be ingrained in most of us and can easily creep back into our lives. You'll need to be vigilant, at least for awhile, in monitoring yourself so that you don't begin settling again for those things that just aren't great. There's no point in clearing out all the junk in your life only to bring more home!

You'll also have to get comfortable with the spaces you clear out. You'll be tempted to fill them in immediately with something else, even if they're just another form of settling. Try to be OK with having some openings in your life and give yourself time to find the "great." It will definitely be worth your while!

Photo via Kandyjaxx

Are You Settling for "Good Enough"?

This is the first in a two-part series on moving from "good enough" to "great" in your life and career.

During last week's retreat, one of the issues we explored was "good enough" syndrome. In my experience, women are GREAT at settling for things that are "good enough" in their lives. Not terrible, but not great, either. The problem is, if your life is filled with all sorts of "good enough" things, there's no room left over for "great."

Picture your life as a vase filled with stones. Each stone represents something about your life--your work, your relationships, your family, your spirituality, etc. If you're like most women, that vase is full, probably up to the top with no room for additional stones. But if each of these stones represents something that is only OK, then how  are you going to make room for "great" when it comes along?

Recognizing Good Enough
How do you know if you're settling for "good enough"? This article on the 5 Signs that You Have Settled has some good clues:

• You wish the time away
• You find it hard to wake up and get going in the morning
• You dream of a completely different life
• You often feel jealous
• You constantly feel the need to escape

I also believe that if you sit back and reflect on the different aspects of your life, you often know in your heart where you're settling for less than you need or want. The trick is being willing to admit it.

Why Do We Settle?
In my experience, women in particular seem willing to spend a lifetime with "good enough." Some of the reasons I've heard women give when confronted with this idea include:

• I don't deserve any better

• What if there isn't anything better out there, so I'm left with nothing?

• You're dreaming if you think that everything in your life can be great. Life is about having to make compromises and settle for less than you want.

Each of these beliefs of course limits our ability to either see where we're settling or, if we see it, to do something about it. But if we don't get rid of "good enough," then there really is no room for things that could be even better.

I can tell you from personal experience that this works. Over 10 years ago I quit a job that was OK to start working for myself. I had no job prospects or options at that point. I just knew that if I kept working in my current situation, I wasn't going to leave myself any room for anything better. Within 3 months I had work coming in and have been able to support myself as a freelancer ever since. There have been some scary times, certainly, but overall, getting rid of that "good enough" job was one of the best decisions of my life.

Now you have a pretty good picture of "good enough" syndrome. In my next post, I'll explore what you can do about it.

He Has a MAN Cold!

This is has NOTHING to do with careers, but was simply too good NOT to share. It's for every woman who's had to spend time with a sick man.

What are Your Personal Values?

One of the areas we spent some time on in our retreat was personal values. We talked about how what we value has profound impacts on our job choices and preferences. They are also usually the root of the problem when we find ourselves unhappy in our lives. That's when something--work, personal relationships, etc.--is violating our personal values or we are not doing all we could to live out our values in our lives.

One thing that's interesting is how men and women seem to have very different values at work, as this article by Sylvia Ann Hewlett underscores. Her research indicates that men are simple creatures--they value power and money. Women, on the other hand, bring a great deal more complexity to work. For us,  high quality colleagues, “bringing myself” to work, flexibility, collaboration and teamwork, recognition, and giving back to society all trump power and money.

When this gets interesting is if we have a workplace that's run by men, who often assume that women want what they want and structure the work environment accordingly. So many of the things that are more important to us may not even be on the radar screen for our bosses, making it more than likely that we're going to be experiencing some serious job dissatisfaction. Of course, this can go the other way too--women running the show and not meeting the needs of men, which creates its own issues.

When it comes to career satisfaction, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is get clear about your values. Understand what's important to you AND understand how these values play out in your work life. If flexibility is a key issue, for example, what is happening at work to support you in living this? Or if recognition is your thing, are you getting it? How can you get more if you aren't?

At our retreat, a key value for several of the women was "creativity." Sadly, for many of them work just didn't feed that value. I can relate. I'm currently trying to re-structure my freelance work away from the analytical stuff that pays the bills but doesn't feed my soul toward the more creative opportunities that allow me to express my talents more fully. It's one of the reasons I love blogging--it gives me a place to put some creativity into my life.

Exploring Your Personal Values
If you haven't looked at your values, I highly recommend spending some time figuring them out. Here's a cool little tool that lets you prioritize 20 different values, so you can see them in order of their importance to you. If something you value isn't on the list, you can add your own, too. Once you've completed the exercise, spend some time journaling about your values. What do they mean to you? How are you currently expressing them? What would you like to add to your life to further live out these values?

I promise you that reflecting on your values and taking steps to live a life that's more in accordance with those values will pay big dividends.